Scattered

I’m feeling scattered. In many ways…messy house, overwhelmed with business stuff to do, transitioning kids into a new school, busy time of year and riding an emotional rollercoaster. I know I’ve been very lapse in posting to my blog. I recently took a look back and found a pattern of decreasing blog posts. In May, I was talking about being in overload and only posted once for the month. June was not much better with only 2 posts and then by July, I was still looking for my Mojo and not posting any more often. I missed August and September altogether.

I know that those who read regularly understand and support me while I chase my busy life, sit back and feel blue or look for my mojo. So, I’m not looking for pity just maybe thinking out loud. Trying to sort all the many thoughts in my head (Yes, over thinking again, as I do all too often.)

Several weeks ago a fellow blogger was planning to start a weekly blog party where we could post about the things we’re grateful for. At that time I was feeling sad and thought writing about my gratitude would help lift my spirits. I sat and wrote out a post listing all the blessings in my life. Then, I deleted it (like I almost deleted this one.) Not because I’m not grateful but it somehow seemed predictable or boastful and I didn’t feel any happier for looking at my glass half full. It just didn’t seem worth someone else’s time to read my little words.

Since then, I have occasionally thought of a few typical blog posts that I could write up and post. But then I talked myself out of writing and I think to myself, “who cares what I have to say”. I guess I’m searching for my self worth. And no one can find that for me, I have to discover that one on my own. I’ve had it in the past so I know it exists but I somehow misplaced it.

Once upon a time, I was a really good Occupational Therapist and LOVED that career. I feel okay with that being in my past. I left O.T. to be a full-time stay-at-home Mom and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love that I am able to be at home for my children and so very grateful that I was given these beautiful gifts from heaven. I try to work daily at being the best Mom they can have. Sometimes I fall short but I work harder the next day and I think I’m doing a fair job. And I know that I will continue to get better at this job.

But I want more than that for myself and for them. I want to have something else in my life both for my own sense of accomplishment and to set an example for my children.

Therein is part of where some of my current struggles are coming from. This whole business thing I do is a tough, up and down world. If only I had a crystal ball. I know I make very nice jewelry. My purses are very pretty and unique. In everything I make I use quality products and my attention to detail is incredibly high. Walking away from a weekend spent at a vendor show with subpar sells is more than depleting. I spend week’s diverting my attention from my children, to produce my inventory. Then I miss a weekend of family time to sit at a table and watch people walk past. I would do it over and over again if I knew the outcome would result in some big break or that my kiddos would somehow benefit from the ground work I laid.

I don’t want this to seem whiny I just want to say that I’m still here and I do think about returning to blog land but for now I’m seeking out my self-worth, dealing with an occasionally chaotic life and coping with wavering inspiration. I’ll be more consistent when graceful words appear on the page before me.

In Overload

There is a certain amount of stress in every person’s life everyday. Stress comes from anything that changes our daily routine or our life status. It can come from things that we perceive as good, not just those things that we know should cause us to feel stress.

They even have scales or tests that can determine the likely hood of becoming ill as a result of too much stress. Our bodies need time to process and absorb the stress before encountering more stress. When there is not enough time between events, then our resistance is weakened.

This topic has been on my mind recently because of potty training. While it has been more of an irritation for me than a stressor, I started to think about how stressful it must feel for my son.

These stress scales are set up for adults but I’m sure there is something to be said about what children have to deal with as well.

I know several years ago my husband and I were off the charts on this scale.

Within 12 to 18 months we had..

Got married
Got pregnant
Moved from one state to another
Changed jobs for him
Decided to stay home from work for me
Bought a house
Had a baby

Remembering what that felt like I started to think about all the things my little guy is dealing with.

Started pre-school
Out of the high chair and moved to a seat at the table
No more sippy cup but big kid cups with no lid
Learning to ride a bike
No more baby swing but a swing with no seatbelt
No more naps (His choice not mine)
Watching his clothes and baby toys be given away so he can get more size/age appropriate items
Transitioning from diapers to underwear

These are all steps in the natural age progression of toddlers. In his world, these must seem like such huge changes. It is so easy to say that I feel stress with more spills or more laundry or a crazy schedule to keep up with but I didn’t slow down enough to realize that this was a lot of work for him.

All of this is easier for me to see now that we are struggling less with most of these issues.

Knock on wood, we have been in diapers only at bedtime for a week and last night he insisted on no diaper for bedtime and he made it all night!!!

Woo Hoo! (Insert happy Mama Dance here)

So how are you doing on the stress scale?
Even if you’re doing fine, it might be a nice idea to think about the other people in your life and the things that they have to deal with in their world.