Full disclosure…to tell the truth

I often think that the price of telling the truth doesn’t always equal the reward it should.

I believe that more people should make it a regular practice to be truthful. Don’t have plastic surgery and try to act like you woke up one morning looking 10 years younger or 50 pounds lighter. If you color your hair, own up to that, don’t try to fool others into believing you are naturally free from grey hair. Don’t lie about your age, the lie will catch up to you. Ok, so you can be vague. I’m in the 35 to 45 demographic. No one needs to know exactly where I fall on that timeline.

But what else should we be more truthful about?
I think I’m an honest person. I (to the best of my knowledge) do not outright lie. I may be vague from time to time or give a “political” answer to avoid the cold hard details of the truth. For the most part I am honest.

But how far should we take the truth?
I so often want to explain myself or my ideas to the extent that it sometimes gets me into a bigger hole. This past Christmas, I sent a card to my former sister-in-law’s house addressed to the children. I purely wanted her kids to get mail at their house and know I was thinking of them while they are dealing with a new family dynamic. My sister-in-law and I were never close or friendly with each other and we usually saw each other just once a year. I know she was not sitting around waiting for mail from me. It’s been at least 6 years since she made a trip out to visit our family. I know she will not miss seeing me in the future. I did not send the card as a dig to her but she hit the roof and publicly went after her ex-husband and started screaming about “family” and then called my house and tore my head off.

I know she is in a place right now where she is looking for things to turn into an issue. However, I want so badly to rebut with an explanation of my intentions. I’m still fighting that urge but I do know that it will only bring more hardship to my brother-in-law. I also know that no matter how hard one may try to present their perspective on a situation it isn’t always seen the same way from where the other person sits.

What about when a friend does something hurtful, seemingly unbeknownst to them, do you speak up about your feelings? If you are really irritated by something, is it worth creating the proverbial mountain out of the molehill just to get it off your chest. You know, they ask “How are you?” and you say “Fine”. While it eats you up inside.


Do you ALWAYS tell the truth?
When do you… or should I ask HOW do you know WHEN to draw the line and just say nothing? I want to be honest and put my cards on the table with the idea that it will improve relations but all too often it does the opposite.

What do you think???

To Tell the Truth???

Do you tell the truth? I’ve read a few blogs that boast about how they are “keeping it real”. (Scoff). How real can it be when you are saying what you want people to know about you and taking the pictures and then editing them to suit you. We all do it. Who wants to show themselves in a bad light? Literally and metaphorically. (Why do you think my house is full of dimmer switches? Everyone looks good in low lighting).

There was a snippet on the news last week about how people are becoming depressed from reading their friends face book page. The theory is that you read a one or two sentence fragment from someone’s day. What you then do is interpret that as the other person’s reality. They post about making plans to go out for dinner or they post a picture from vacation and you suddenly feel inferior or that you have less or that your life is not as much fun as theirs is. Is that really a truthful representation of that person’s life? It’s one sentence from the day or the week. They have hand picked what they feel like sharing. Is it a clear “truthful” image?

What about face to face? Do you tell people you know when they have a bad haircut or when that style needs to go? It’s outdated. No one liked that style on Kate Gosselin and it’s time they tried something new. Or do you end up sounding like their mother? You know how a Mom will give you that backhanded compliment. “Honey you look nice, when are you getting your hair cut?” Which is where I get my theory on why so many people can’t take a compliment. You know, you say something nice and the other person doesn’t believe you. They think you are saying it just to be nice or make them feel good. They think you’re not being honest.

Do you speak up and let friends/family know when they are out of line? What if they are loosing perspective on the big picture? How long do you “ride the storm” before you put the cards on the table? Are we not raised to tell the truth? Isn’t there a certain price to pay for being honest? They say the truth hurts but who gets hurt? What are you willing to risk to be honest? Is the truth worth it? What if they are only hurting themselves? What if they are hurting you? Can you really get someone to understand you or your point of view?

What if you hold it in? Does that work? Who benefits from saying nothing?

Are you honest with yourself? I think there can be a fine line between one’s own reality and their denial. I’ve watched people blame others for problems in their own relationship. I’m sure you know someone who has said they are “fine” or “dealing with things”. They say they are just having fun, because on some level they know they are not being very smart. We have all been there where you loose sight of what is right or wrong because you think you are getting what you want. Are you happy in the end or did you just learn a hard lesson? Was it worth it?

Do you tell the truth? Always?