Funk

I’ve been in such a funk these past few weeks. Bla. “Bla” is my new motto or so it would seem. I really don’t like being this way and I really want to shake it off. Not sure where this funk came from but I would like to send it back. It could be from starting the year out with a house full of sickies. The desperate need to sanitize, fumigate and generally de-germ the place is not the most fun way to use my time. Doing this and tending to others while also being sick…not so much fun either.

Maybe it’s from the weather. I’m not much of a winter kind of person. I don’t like the cold, the seldom seen sunshine and the sloppy wet mess that is everywhere within minutes of yet another snowfall. I’d love to hibernate, tucked safely in my bed for months if it were possible. Push comes to shove and I’ll go outside but I grumble all the while. I’ll go out and shovel only because it bugs me to have snow on my drive or walk ways. My job when the kids want to sled is to make sure the hot chocolate is ready when they come back inside. I went skiing once and the best part of that was watching the skiers come down the hill while I was sitting next to the fireplace in the lounge with an Irish coffee in hand.

Not even food has been able to make me happy. I usually turn to a pan of brownies for a little pick-me-up but now they are just “ok”. See. Bla. I’ve been to know to survive for days eating only Doritos. I can easily go through a bag in two sittings (ok… one) if my mood is low enough. Now, I’m just not interested. Oh, I’m still eating them, just not feeling any pep in my step yet.

I’ve got projects to distract me from the bla. I’ve made my list of goals but can’t find a place to start. Last year I was soooo ready to get things under way that I had supplies set up and first thing January 2nd I started on the total makeover project. Maybe it was overestimating what would be done in a year and not reaching that goal that is keeping back now???? Maybe it’s having so many projects that I want to start that I just can’t choose where to begin. Maybe it’s the annual “freeze” on spending from the hubby that has me down? It happens every year about this time, after the holidays and before the tax refund. I usually shop to pick up my spirits and to make myself go out of the house. I am quit the frugal shopper and never spend excessively. Nonetheless there is a “hold” on funds. Bla.

Hmm, maybe it’s just a general burn out. I seem to be chasing my tail more often than not. You know, you spend all your time doing something but never cross the finish line. With all the towels, sheets and clothes for 5 people I am running up and down steps constantly doing laundry and putting things away yet the baskets seem to be in a perpetual state of overflow. Between loads of laundry I try to put upstairs stuff, upstairs and downstairs stuff, downstairs but it all magically reappears where it doesn’t belong. I can spend the better part of the day cleaning crumbs off the table, sweeping the floor, wiping off countertops and washing dishes/loading the dishwasher and when I turn around I see a messy kitchen. Always.

At the end of it all I’m in a funk and to top it off I’m mad at myself for being in a funk. I have no right. I should be so blissful for all my blessings. I should express my gratitude for my good life. I should be thanking my lucky starts that I have it as good as I do; others are not so lucky.

Go away funk and don’t come back!!!!